Sifting Like Sand

Hold on
Things fall through the cracks
Faster than you would think or ever know
Hold on
All the world is slipping,
Sifting like sand...
-me, sometime in high school

You've got to grind, grind, grind, at that grindstone
Though childhood slips like sand through a sieve...
-Bert, Mary Poppins

This is a wierd time for me. I think I mentioned in my last post that my favorite roommate (well, they are both good, but he is here more) told me he's moving to Georgia in two months. This is too bad because a, he's really fun and nice even if I only see him once a week for a few minutes, usually (for serious! :o ) and b) moreso, because I hate having tog et new roommates. You never know if they'll suck.

Then, on Sunday, my BFF A. told me that she and Mr. B are moving to Portsmouth on January 1st! I'll be in Thailand until the 14th on Christmas vacation (followed by Anaheim for the GCN conference) so by the time I return my last good friend will have moved out of state. It sucks. I used to hang out with ehr pretty much every day, until she became with child and was too tired (obviously not her fault, but still too bad :/ ) and I haven't really seen her much in the past few months. And now she's moving an hour away to New effing Hampshire.

And of course, I am planning on applying to grad school in Atlanta. So everything is changing, which put me in mind of that little poem at the top, which I think I wrote in tenth grade or something...maybe it is not so profound but I kind of like it.

Now who will my friends be? I will probably never see A+Mr.B again unless I drive up to see them (they hate travelling; I ALWAYS go over to their house and they live about ten blocks away (for two more weeks)). Not that has stopped me before as I drive further and further to see B+N, but sometimes when I am feeling a little bitter or something, I think about all the gas, time spent in the car etc. for going and seeing all these people who v. rarely reciprocate. I guess that is the thing about married people: they have kind of formed their own base and there is an unspoked sense (which I guess is true in a lot of practical ways :/ ) that it is easier or more logical for people to go to them.

Sigh. I guess I will just have to put myself out there and try to get to know more people, but it is hard for me and even though I know some nice people, they all have friends already and they don't want to hang out as often as I do.

For the last few months, as A became less willing/able to leave the house, B became more and more busy writing creative nonfiction and my brief friendship with Lindsey was snuffed out by a random hookup-cum-sudden relationship (ug, I hate that word, but that's what happened :P ) I have spent a LOT of time on GCN and specifically getting to know one particular boy. Hmm, pseudonym... ok, in terms of Biblical iconography he would be represented by A Man. The Man is supernice, very attractive (I actually saw him at last year's conference but was too shy to talk to him, hehe), extremely intelligent and articulate, unabashedly gay without being obnoxious or sacrificing a certain pleasant masculinity...obviously I am babbling here. We exchanged phone numbers for planning purposes but soon began talking recreationally. I got to the point where I had to switch to larger cell phone plan. I think he's attractive (as I said before :D ) and I know he thinks I am because he has told me so, politely, several times, and once I got a facebook wall notification (I get comments emailed to me) that he had changed on the wall since obviously he was embarrassed or felt he had gone too far...but I got a notification for the original post and for the edit to it, so I know what he was really thinking :) :)

So, this is crazy. For one, just experiencing reciprocal physical attraction is somewhat alien (CRAZY!!) to me. Also, it is wierd to know someone that I have never met (although I remind myself that in pre-global travel this type of thing happened all the time; Sarah Plain and Tall, anyone?). The upshot: I really like him, at least as much as I know about him. I'm going to meet him at the conference. I guess we will see what happens. It seems silly to think about anything going on between me and someone who lives two timezones away, but at the same time, if we really hit it off, might it not be worth it?

I don't know. I don't want to form an unsuitable attachment, as Barbara Pym might put it, but I also don't want to miss out on something hot'n'awesome. I think this time around I will try to live a little bit on the edge as I am twenty five and if I don't go off the cuff now, when will I ever? But am also tempering myself with logic and cool-heartedness.

Anyway, this has gone on and on. Maybe I will post about my show troubles, grad school etc later. And you might get some pictures from Thailand in a week or so. I know that this blog is still read by SO MANY PEOPLE :P so I will try not to keep you all in suspense for long.

My Poor Neglected Blog :(

Wow, it's been a long time. I guess I have been prety busy working on the art, etc. In fact, have been extremely busy. After a fit and a start, I finally the show put up in the gallery of the place where I rent out my studio space. This is great - its a good gallery and the work looks really nice there. It is somehow only when I see it hung up somehwere that I am really convinced I have done something. Anyway - next is to get it up at the college where I work, which has been an ordeal as the gallery director there (though a very dear person who I respect greatly) is sort of a stereotypical art person and has twice scheduled my opening reception on days that are already full on the college's schedule. Oh my *rolls eyes and dies* I am heading home to Thailand in nine days, so time for planning these things is quickly running out.

Am also trying to coordinate paying of all bills while am away, since I'll be gone until mid-January (unfortunately the people around me are NOT going on vacation and will expect their money :/ )

Umm...other: Am becoming good friends (as good as is possible via internet and phone) with someone nice.

My BFF is pregnant! Wierd but cool.

My oldest roommate has announced plans to move down south in February. I don't know how realistic they are, since it's mid-December already, but I guess I will need to find another roommate. Blech. SO wish I could live alone, which would be (obv.) lonelier but also way more convenient in many ways. It's not like I don't practically live alone anyway.